you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
