When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
