If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
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