saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize