i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
