A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize