shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
if only i could text you this smell
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
