a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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