Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize