Small penises have feelings too.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
