we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
He keeps bees of course he's weird
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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