i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
