He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
