ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
