I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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