Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
