my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
