The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
