i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
