i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
