We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
