I wanna bring you to show and tell
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Randomize
