so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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