I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize