your thong is hanging out like whoa
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
