Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
