We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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