That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
