My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
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