things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
