who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
