The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
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