I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
