I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
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I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
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Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
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