am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
