I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
