I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
