gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
