is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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