I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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