Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
