dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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