just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
