i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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