My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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