some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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