I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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