HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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