i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
