when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
