My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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