I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
