Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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