I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
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Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
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