Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
