Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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