Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize