You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Randomize
