I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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