Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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