i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
he fucked my hip out of place.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
