Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
