...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Randomize
