Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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