i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
