My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
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I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
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Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
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