So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
