OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
