walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
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weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
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I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
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