I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
