Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
