You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
